Left or right ? Up or down ?

You know what I'm stuck with ?? I'm stuck with 11 chapters of systemic pathology, a task that seems endless and then there's community medicine that I just cant get myself to read regularly because the enormity of pathology in my mind just seems to overshadow the importance of community medicine..Uggh

There's an endless list of friends, family, relatives and neighbours that I need to please and that leaves very little time to study, that's the problem with living in closely knit societies like ours, but hey it has its own advantages, like free food :D a shoulder to lean on and an ever abundant source of support, so basically its all about managing my time ( which I need to do more appropriately now, since we're fast approaching our finals date ).

One of the things worth mentioning that has happened lately is a major shift in my plans. I've decided to switch priorities, switch from making neurology my best choice to to IM ( Internal Medicine). And I'm very whimsical and scared of doing it, beacuse I've been in love with neurology for the past , I dont know, 7 years ! and now I realize I might not be as interested in it as I thought I'd be and the feeling sucks. It feels like stepping out of a failed relationship, a relationship that you thought was perfect until you simply lost interest but are still too clingy to let go of the idea of being in a relationship ( Yeah, too complicated) . So just to make things a little less simple I've decided to act like some divorcee to step into a bar and ' explore other options ' ( No I'm a practising muslim and I dont go to bars in real life, in case it got you wondering ). So, I've added more possibilities on my list , they're IM  ( difficult to get in and needs high scores ), Neurology ( I still see hope in it ) and paeds ( not exactly my thing but still a good choice).

Attending a seminar on ' The long road to residency' just made me question my determination and and ability to go through those lengthy application procedures. A point came when I thought I'd rather just go into R & D and do some probably underpaid but less hectic work and forego the hassle. But you see I just cant picture myself not attending to patients or not doing a hospital job. Being a doctor for me meant , interacting with patients and treating diseases ! Its just so difficult to change your own opinion about your own choices that you once so passionately made..

My mom says that I should take things one step at a time and focus on my efforts right now, I think thats what I should be doing